Gracias, and Other Ways to Say No
No matter what I am wearing or who I am with, I am the one people come to for money, or to sell me something. I could be in sweatpants I bought online and a gym shirt, with no jewelry, and they come to me.
One day I asked one of them why. People always asked me and never my wife. He said, you have the cara. Cara means face. Gringo is the word people use for a person from the United States, and it is a word that can be friendly or not, like many words. Here it was a description. My face says foreigner, and people come to a foreigner for money.
What I learned is that different places have different ways of saying no. In Mexico you do not say no, I will not give you money, or go away, or anything else negative. You say gracias. In Spanish, gracias means: I have thought about what you asked, I appreciate that you asked me, and I will not go forward. Everyone understands it. It is polite and it is final.
In some other countries, the asking does not stop. People continue to press, and they press again. A different culture treats a first no as the start of a conversation. If you grew up in a place where one no is enough, it can feel like a wall of voices. If you grew up in a place where a no is an opening bid, a quick gracias can sound cold.
Bargaining is the same. In many markets in the Middle East, nearly every price is negotiable. In Mexico and in much of South America, in my experience, most prices are firm. Each place reads you differently.
If you try to bargain in a place where prices are firm, you may be seen as aggressive. If you walk away from a market where bargaining is expected, without naming a price, you may be seen as someone who is not very sharp, and then they start following you down the street, lowering the price with every step.
Nobody in this is a villain. A shopkeeper who bargains is following the custom of the place, and so is the one who does not. The only mistake is to bring the rules from one place to the other, and to be surprised.
You could ask a local friend two questions before you go shopping. Do people bargain here, and for what? And how do you say no politely? You could learn that one word, and say it with a smile.
In Mexico, a smile and a gracias settle it. In places where people press, it may take a different answer, and I am still learning those.
How do people say no where you live now? Tell us in the comments. Someone reading may be about to say their first one.
Tell us in the comments